Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Saying good-bye to who doesn’t need you is synonymous of maturity

personal growth

Life is like a train. We share the car with many people, but we can’t become friends with everyone and we do not even get to know everybody. There are those who annoy us or find us unpleasant while others inspire us a strong sympathy. There will be those who accompany us until the end of the race while others will leave soon. Life, like this train, changes continually, so that remaining attached to what we consider immutable means in some way to deny the reality.

Over the years you will have to say goodbye several times. Sometimes this good-bye will be very painful, but breaking this bond is essential to move on. Whenever you say goodbye to someone you reconnect somehow with yourself, because you need to find a new balance. This is not always bad, the bad thing is to remain connected to people who hurt us, limit us and prevent us from growing.

The courage to break the bond

To say goodbye does not always mean stop seeing a person or forget about her, it simply means breaking the bond because this relationship is precisely the cause of discomfort. When a person does not need you, when you are not as important as it is for you, the relationship will end creating a huge void. When you give too much without receiving anything in return, you will end up empty, tired, and disappointed.

Of course, it is not easy to break the bond. There are probably many feelings involved, a story built together, and possibly, projects for the future. But the rule is simple: when the presence of a person causes more harm than good, when neither one enjoys the company of the other and the relationship produces more suffering than happiness, it is time to re-evaluate that relationship and have the courage to say goodbye.

Say goodbye involves a painful process

Say goodbye means living a painful and not easy process, as it brings with it very intense emotions. The first step is to accept that we are no longer loved as before or we have ceased to be important and occupy a significant place in that person's life.

The second step is to make the decision to say goodbye, being aware that it is the best solution. This phase is very important because it will allow us to avoid regrets in the future, we must take the decision conscious that we are breaking a toxic relationship, fully conscious that this relationship has no future. The decision should not be the result of emotional outbursts, but it must be carefully weighted.

The third step is to learn to channel the emotions that will hurt you, such as the feeling of loss, anger, sadness and/or nostalgia. The wounds of the soul are slow to heal, but it is important not to keep in these emotions because will end up becoming chronic.

In reality, anger, hatred or resentment are emotions that only hurt those who feels them. So if it is normal for you to feel them during the early stages, it is also essential that you learn how to get rid of them during the process. If you keep feeding those emotions, it means that somehow you’re still tied to that person so you will not be able to close that chapter of your life. When you can let go away those negative emotions you will realize that you can go on a lot lighter.

Look inside yourself and grow

Often, when we are immersed in relationships that cause suffering, we get away from our desires, needs and dreams. It is a disconnection mechanism that we activate at unconscious level to protect ourselves. So, say goodbye to this toxic relationship opens a new path ahead of you, new opportunities and the possibility to learn from mistakes.

When you are about to close a chapter of your life, move the center of attention within yourself, think of yourself, decide what you want and make new plans. You do not have to fill the void left by that person with someone else because it is likely that you will soon find yourself in the same situation, you have to find new ways of life, new passions and new ways of understanding and living in the world.

Take advantage of this farewell to open new horizons and keep in mind Helen Keller's words: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us".


Keep feeding your neurons

Saying good-bye to who doesn’t need you is synonymous of maturity

Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to string words together. Discover my Books


Psychology as you never heard about...

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