Tuesday, May 17, 2016

If you can not change the situation change your mind

puppet under the rain

There are situations that we can change, others not. And as sooner we accept this, the sooner we will stop suffering. When a person doesn’t want to remain by our side, we can do very little to stop him. It is useless complaining if we lost a job opportunity. As proactive, enthusiastic and positive we are, there are situations that we can not change. In these cases, remains only the possibility of changing our mind.

The dangers of non-acceptance

There are situations that we must accept even if we are not able to change them. When we do not accept them they turn into an obstacle that steals us energy. The real miracle happens when we accept them, since during this process of apparent yield we grow and turn the page.

What happens when we do not accept a situation we can not change?

1. It keeps us stuck. If we find ourselves in front of a wall and try everything to bring it down but without success, we will feel frustrated and start complaining. This way we will remain stuck on our path. On the contrary, if we try to find other solutions, we can continue to move forward, thanks to the wall that has stimulated us.

2. It makes us unhappy. When we fail to change the situation or the others does not meet our expectations, the frustration can grow enormously. Binding ourselves to this problem we prevent us to be happy, it's like we force us to drag a huge stone, although in we'd let it go, but we do not know how.

3. It prevents us from seeing opportunities. A problem or a negative situation, especially if maintained over time, tend to generate frustration. And in this state we are not only unable to move forward, but we can not even perceive the solutions and the opportunities before our eyes. Not accepting a fact means closing ourselves to opportunities, choosing to remain in the past.

It is not the situation, it’s how you react

Often we confuse reality with our reactions. But it is important to note that is not the situation itself that creates frustration, suffering or distress, these are only our responses to events that we can not or won’t handle. This is a substantial difference, because in this way it is possible separating the event from our reaction. And you realize that you are reacting to a meaning, not a fact.

In fact, many times we are the ones to add fuel to the fire, imagining the worst possible scenarios or letting negative emotions take over. This way we get only to worsen the situation, when the goal is to feel better. In practice, we end up losing the perspective that good and evil, positive and negative, are mainly based on our points of view, on how we choose to react to certain situations.

Many of the situations that at first glance we consider negative or bad, can be positive, or at least acquire a neutral character if we change perspective and take on the opportunity.

Of course, it doesn’t mean we have to relativize everything or suffer in silence. When we do not like a situation or it becomes an obstacle to the achievement of our goals, we must try to change it, but if we are not able to do it, being constantly banging against a wall will only hurt us. If we are not able to break it down it is better to learn how to take advantage of it.

To achieve this, it is important to understand that everything depends on the interpretation, which is determined by our experiences, expectations and emotions that hold us and influence us. However, what we are seeing is not the only reality, but only one aspect of it. Our reaction to the situation will be the final version. Therefore, focus yourself on finding solutions, don’t complain.

Remember that life is not as you want it to be, it is often capricious and unpredictable. It will continue to put problems on your way, but also opportunities. Choose if you want to be a victim or if you prefer to take the reins into your hands and learn at every step you take.

After all, remember that nothing is forever. If you do not like something, try to change it, if you can not, do not torture yourself and change attitude. Learn to embrace life, with all that entails.


Keep feeding your neurons

If you can not change the situation change your mind

Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to string words together. Discover my Books


Psychology as you never heard about...

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