Monday, July 13, 2015

10 attitudes that reveal a toxic person

Building relationships is part of life. In fact, relationships are an incredible source of wellbeing, they give us the support we need in time of difficulty and give us joy. However, there are moments when the relationships don’t give us nothing positive, on the contrary, they become a source of stress and suffering. This happens when we interact with toxic people, persons who steal our energy and enthusiasm, deeply affecting our emotional balance.

Why we fall in the trap of a toxic person?

Some people are involved in toxic relationships without even realizing it. In fact, this is a fairly common problem since we are not always able to capture the first true intentions of the person. Why?

- You are in a vulnerable stage. If you've moved to another town or have lost a loved one, you’ll probably feel alone and in a phase in which you are particularly vulnerable. Having someone at your side, a couple or a friend, would be helpful in these circumstances, so it's normal for toxic persons to enter your life when your defenses go down.

- They fed your ego. Toxic people are great manipulators, so at first they often appear caring and charming. In fact, they probably have been made it into your life telling you what you wanted to hear, when nobody else was willing to do. By fulfilling your expectations, your ego grew and kept you from seeing the reality, becoming a kind of glass through which you saw only the positive aspects of this relationship.

- You want to get approval. The desire to please at all costs, seeking for acceptance from others, often leads to establish toxic relationships. In this case, the person realizes that the other is a manipulator but doesn’t find the ways to get rid of him believing that any refusal on his part, will make him appear rude or deprived of the needed approval.

How to recognize a toxic person?

When the toxic person is someone close, like a friend, a relative or even your partner, it is difficult to recognize them as your feelings play a trick. However, sharing our daily life with a person like that can become very debilitating and ultimately we can be infected by his negativity. Therefore, the first step to end that relationship is to be aware that we’re dealing with a toxic person.

1. He/she is focusing always on the negative side of things

It is normal sometimes to look at life through a negative light, especially when things have gone wrong. However, there are deeply pessimistic people who always see the glass half empty, they aren’t able to appreciate the positive aspects but always focus on mistakes and problems. Obviously, to have these people on our side can be exhausting and very discouraging because they end up infecting us with their negativity.

2. He/she never listen to your problems

This is a typical person who turns to you every time you have a problem but is not willing to listen to your problems providing emotional support. This person expects you to be there when he needs it but is not willing to assist. In fact, there’re chances that are you're counting him your problems while ending up feeling sorry for his owns. Obviously, a person like this will only bring more problems into your life making you feel alone.

3. He/she is always willing to point out your weaknesses

We all have flaws and sometimes having a honest person next to us, is important to grow and improve. However, the line between honesty and hypercritics is very subtle and can be transferred easily. A person who is always willing to point out your mistakes and shortcomings, which is always prepared to critic, but yet doesn’t recognize your accomplishments and skills, is a toxic person that rather than offering the support you need ends up undermining your self-esteem and confidence.

4. He/she is often bothering you

It is normal about interpersonal relationships, to have moments of friction given due to different opinions and interests. However, toxic people always manage to bother and end up making you experience negative emotions, either because they turned you angry or made you feel guilty. If every time you meet someone you lose your emotional balance and end up feeling bad, this person is likely to be a toxic one, someone you don’t need in your life.

5. He/she doesn’t consider your feelings

Most people have at least a little empathy as it is an essential ability to survive in our society. Empathy not only allows us to put ourselves in the place of others, but also balances our words and attitudes, and helps to avoid harming our interlocutor. However, the toxic person doesn’t care about your feelings, and doesn’t hesitate to trample them because the priority is himself.

6. He/she presses you to do things you don’t feel at ease

Toxic people are deeply selfish, so often they have no difficulties to put pressure on you, just to achieve their goal. This person always looks after his interests and is never willing to give a budge, so it uses different methods of manipulation to get you make decisions against your values, needs and desires. In fact, if you're not careful, you can end up tied hand and foot, living a life that you don’t want, just because the person on your side is continuously pressing you.

7. He/she fulfills you with doubts

Occasionally, it is necessary to have a Jiminy Cricket to tell us the risks we’re facing with certain decisions. However, some people are only able to see difficulties and their only goal is to sow doubts. These are not the typical cautious persons, but people who undertakes the life in fear, who doesn’t dare to leave their comfort zone and don’t want others to do it. Therefore, they’re constantly engaged in boycotting any project, creating uncertainty. These people are specialists in cutting the wings and delete the dreams.

8. He/she trespasses your limits continuously

There’re deeply invading people who don’t respect your rights and continuously cross the red lines. It is as if they’re always tightening the rope to check how far goes your patience. These people continuously invade your personal space, steal your time, and expect you to always be ready to respond when they need it, if you don’t do it, they likely use the emotional manipulation to make you feel guilty.

9. He/she never assumes his/her responsibility

A person who never takes responsibility, which has an external locus of control, is difficult to handle because is someone who will always be complaining. By the moment the responsibility is never theirs, they will always be looking for scapegoats on which place the blame, so it is not surprising that you’ll become one of them. They’re young children, people never matured who put full responsibility on your shoulders, making you load a bundle not yours.

10. He/she resists to change

On many occasions, when we want to maintain certain relationships, we have to change, it is a normal process through which we adapt to the other. However, in a relationship, change must occur in both, each of whom have to travel the distance separating one from the other. If the person is never ready to give the budge and won’t change, not even try it, then you better lose that relationship because there’s no commitment or will to make the relationship work.


Keep feeding your neurons

10 attitudes that reveal a toxic person

Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to string words together. Discover my Books


Psychology as you never heard about...

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