Thursday, February 12, 2015

How to find love in 45 minutes: A curious study reveals the way

Was the year 1997 when psychologist Arthur Aron proposed one of the most curious experiments in the recent history of psychology. This psychologist thought that if we have a few things in common with someone, we could fall in love quickly with that person.

To test his hypothesis, he recruited a group of people and gave them a series of questions which should ask at each other. The peculiarity of these questions was that were increasingly personal and delve ever deeper into the inner life of the person. Then these people looked each other into their eyes for a few minutes and magic occurred, at least for many of them.

In fact, of the 58 couples who participated in the experiment, 57% of them continued seeing each other as friends, 35% of them began a relationship and even one of the couples got married after 6 months. These are certainly impressive numbers.

What are the questions?

Set 1

1. If you could choose anyone in the world, who would you invite to dinner?

2. Would you like to be famous? In which way?

3. Before making a phone call, can rehearse what you’ll be saying? Why?

4. For you, what would it be a perfect day?

5. When was the last time you sang alone? And for someone else?

6. If you could live 90 years or have the body or the mind of someone of 30 during the last 60 years of your life, which of the two options would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Say three things you think you have in common with your partner.

9. For what aspect of your life are you most thankful?

10. If you could change something in your education, what would it be?

11. Tell your partner the story of your life as detailed as possible.

12. If tomorrow you could raise enjoying a new skill or quality, what would it be?

Set 2

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you ask?

14. Is there something you wanted to do for a long time? Why did you not?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment you have achieved in your life?

16. What do you value the most in a friend?

17. What is your most precious memory?

18. What is your most painful memory?

19. If you knew that in a year you will die suddenly, would you change anything in your way of life? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. How important is love and affection in your life?

22. Give one alternately five characteristics that you consider positive of your partner.

23. Does your family is close and loving? Do you think your childhood was happier than others?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3

25. Say three sentences using the pronoun "we". For example, "we are in this room feeling ...".

26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone to share ...".

27. If you were to become a close friend of your partner, share with him or her something that would be important to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like best for him or her. Be very honest and say things you would not say to someone you just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment of your life.

30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? And alone?

31. Tell your partner something that you like of him/her.

32. Is there anything you think is too serious to joke about?

33. If you were to die tonight without the possibility of talking to anyone, what would regret not having told someone? Why you didn’t say it?

34. Your house is on fire with all your possessions inside. After saving your loved ones and your pets, you have time to make one last raid and save an object. What would you choose? Why?

35. Of all the people that make up your family, the death of who would make you feel more painful? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner to tell you how he or she would have acted to fix it. Also ask how you think you feel about the problem you've told.

What is the secret?

These psychologists think the key is the intimacy that develops between the two. If you read the questions, you will notice that many of them claim that you get emotionally naked in front of the other, if that person accepts you, a very strong emotional connection is created.

In fact, the closeness that cause these questions is quite similar to the path followed by two people who are knowing each other and, gradually, are going deeper into their lives strengthening the ties. It is likely that these questions will allow us to peer into the soul of another, and if we like what we see, we can light the wick.


The researchers also suggest that the odds that two people would be attracted are increased when they share certain values and characteristics of the personality. In fact, before forming the couples, each person had to complete a series of tests in which was evaluated their compatibility.

Moreover, indicate that these questions only cause closeness and a sense of intimacy, but never generate loyalty, commitment or dependence, cornerstones of every relationship. These states and feelings are generated over time and through interaction.

Although it is a curious study more than one with scientific value, it is certain that gives us an idea to reflect on. If you want to conquer someone, either because you’re seeking a relationship or because you want to build a good friendship with that person, it is sufficient to show how you are, trying to connect from your true "ego", that one we usually hide. Sometimes it may be enough to drop the social masks and show our interior.

Aron, A. et. . Al (1997) The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin; 23 (4): 363-377.


Keep feeding your neurons

How to find love in 45 minutes: A curious study reveals the way

Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to string words together. Discover my Books


Psychology as you never heard about...

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