Thursday, June 30, 2016

Giving makes us happy, but we also have the right to receive

giving happiness

Generosity is good for us. Giving can be enormously rewarding. In fact, numerous studies have shown that people who participate in voluntary activities, are not only showing a greater satisfaction, but also live longer.

However, we also have the right to receive. Continually giving without receiving anything in return, can be tiring and denigrating. If we feel that we are giving a lot and we do not receive anything, we will end up disenchanted. The lack of reciprocity feeds a negative circle.

Make sure that people important to you will correspond you


Happiness is not simply giving. It is true that in the act of selfless help toward others we can find enormous satisfaction. But everybody has emotional needs that must be met, one of the most important is the need for love and understanding. So we can not give and give, we must also ensure that we will receive.

Of course, it does not mean that we have to take a selfish attitude, that we have to limit ourselves to only give to those who have something to offer. The idea to give for receiving something in return cancels all the benefits that entails the action of helping others and give selflessly.

This is to make sure that people who are important to us in some way compensate our offer, because otherwise we would end up adopting a servile posture, dedicating ourselves to meet the emotional needs of others at the expense of ours. In the long run this will develop an unhealthy relationship, that we have helped to build.

In a relationship, for example, when only one member gives and receives nothing in return, he will end up disillusioned and will download all the frustration on others or himself. This will create a toxic relationship in which the person is unable to meet his own emotional needs and, in this way, his psychological balance and health will pay the consequences.


How to know if you're giving too much?


- You feel emotionally exhausted, because the person you are giving a part of you is literally sucking your energy.

- You feel disillusioned, because giving without receiving ends stifling the hopes, so it is understandable that the disillusionment finds fertile ground within you.

- You’re feeling empty since giving systematically can end up draining your feelings, especially when they slam repeatedly against the wall of indifference.

- You feel dissatisfied, which is perfectly understandable given that you're probably putting the needs of others before yours.

- You feel offended because the other person does not recognize your effort and commitment.

Do you give, receive or ask?

The problem of giving too much without receiving anything, is that people around you have become accustomed to maintain this kind of relationship and it is likely that they claim more and more adopting a selfish attitude.

When these relationships are established, the person who receives can start feeling very good in his role, so it is likely to turn into someone who always asks, believing that he has rights on you. In the end, what you were giving with pleasure becomes an obligation. This precise moment the benefits of giving vanish.

In fact, in interpersonal relationships there are different roles related to the process of giving and receiving:

- Donor. Are those people who are always willing to give without asking anything in return. These people will preclude themselves the right to be happy to please others. In many cases they’re parents who sacrifice, children who offer themselves or partners who surrend.

- Receiver. These are people used to receive, without giving anything in return. This attitude usually comes from childhood, but later is perpetuated in relationships and friendships. These people are very demanding, they adopt a narcissistic attitude or, on the contrary, play the eternal victims.

- Balancer. These are people who try to find a balance between giving and receiving in their interpersonal relationships. They lmost always behave in a sensitive and respectful manner as they seek to meet their emotional needs and, at the same time, those of the others.

Finally, we also find the “false donors”. These are people who pretend to be generous but actually give just to get something in return and do not hesitate to claim each of them favors. For these people, interpersonal relations are commercial exchanges in which they must always receive something in return.

Be aware of what we deserve


Interpersonal relationships are complicated and it is difficult to find a balance. In most relationships there is always someone who wants more, who is willing to sacrifice more or give more. Obviously, this doesn’t mean we have to seek a narrow quid pro quo, that transforms the relationship into a commercial exchange, but we must keep in mind that the heart needs rewards.

This does not mean we should pretend favors or an award for the effort or time we spent, but it is important that the person we often put before our needs be able to recognize what we do for her and, when the time comes, gives us a reward.

It is important to be aware that we deserve attention, understanding, respect, support and love. In any intimate relationship these basic needs must be met, otherwise you end up suffering a lot.

We can help make happy the people we love, without being forced to pay it with our happiness. It’s not worth moving heaven and earth for someone who is not willing to move a finger for us. It’s not about selfishness, but self-love and emotional survival.

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Giving makes us happy, but we also have the right to receive
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Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to to string words together. Discover my Books

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