Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Get rid of people for whom you are no longer important

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There are renounces difficult to implement, especially when it means leaving behind people who meant something to us and for whom we were important. But there are situations or moments in our life when we must have the courage to make the big step. If we’re not important anymore for a person remaining tied to him will only make us suffer and prevent us from continuing on our way. So the best thing we can do is give up the relationship.


Give up someone means respect for ourselves


Life is like a train on which we meet different people. With some passengers we will exchange only brief greetings, with others we will establish a deeper relationship and maybe they will accompany us for a good part of the journey.

However, we can not force people to accompany us to our final destination, some will decide it is better get off at their station and we will likely quit to be important to them. In this case, clinging to the memory of them will prevent us from meeting other interesting people that can bring joy and hope in our lives.

In fact, in many cases, give up the people for whom we are not important anymore is a matter of respect towards ourselves. When the other person doesn’t care about our needs and we have ceased to be a priority in his life, there is no reason to cling to that relationship because that way we would only hurt ourselves.

When we give continuously without receiving anything in return, we run the risk of getting stuck in a relationship that will bring us only pain and frustration. If we love without being loved, or we cling to people who have rebuilt their lives without leaving space for us, we will remain tied to the past and, what is worse, we deny ourselves the possibility of being happy.

Sometimes giving up a person is an act of self-love, it means give us the opportunity to heal the wounds and start again.

Signs indicating you are no longer important to someone


There are moments when, even if we stopped being important for the person next to us, this does not abandon us, at least physically, perhaps because he doesn’t dare or because is tied to us by other ties more difficult to break. This is the case of many marital relationships in which one of the two has stopped loving the other, but doesn’t dare to end the relationship. In these cases, our emotional involvement, our desire that everything works and nothing changes, prevents us from seeing reality, prevents us from realizing that we have ceased to be relevant for the other.

In these cases, both people end up suffering. One because is feeling tied to someone for whom no longer feels anything and the other because experiences a huge emotional void, because his needs are not met. Therefore, it is important to learn recognize the signs of emotional detachment that indicate we have stopped being important to someone:

- You are no longer a priority for that person, probably because its interests and objectives have changed and there is no room for you anymore.

- That person doesn’t care about your needs, especially from the emotional point of view, so that you begin having feelings of loneliness and abandonment, even with someone close to you.

- You are the person most involved in the relationship, while the other simply limits to receive what you give, without showing any degree of involvement.

- That person doesn’t take into account your ideas and opinions, but takes unilateral decisions for both, almost always to meet his own needs.

- The other begins humiliating you, criticize you or goes away with no apparent reason.

How to give up someone that was important to us?


Giving up on someone who was important for us is difficult. First of all, we must be aware of what does the word “renounce” means, that is, voluntarily seclude what we have or we could have, means abandoning a commitment, regardless of that person. Therefore giving up involves taking the conscious decision to go away from someone, eliminating him from our future plans.

When we take the conscious decision to go away from someone who only causes us suffering, we take somewhat control over our lives and the renounce becomes less painful. Obviously, this does not mean it will be easy, because the emotional involvement is usually high and we can not hope to forget this person overnight.

In fact, the goal is not to forget, but to be able to live without that person, rebuilding our project of life without her. This is not to make a clean sweep, but to learn the lesson and move on, becoming more resilient people who grant themselves other opportunities to create new emotional bonds.

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Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to to string words together. Discover my Books

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