Thursday, April 28, 2016

Children need to be happy not the best

happy child

We live in a highly competitive society, where seems that nothing is enough and we feel that, if we don’t keep ourselves constantly updated, we’ll fall behind overtaken by modernity.

Therefore, it is not surprising that in recent decades, many parents have taken on an educational model based on hyper-parenting. Parents who want their children to be prepared for life, but in the most limited sense of the term: they want their children have the necessary knowledge and skills to become a good professional, get a good job and earn enough, nothing more than that.

These parents have only one goal: they want their children to be the best. To achieve this, they don’t hesitate to enroll him in various extracurricular activities, paving his way beyond all limits and, of course, driving them to success at any cost. And the worst thing is they suppose to do it “for their own good.”

The main problem with this educational model is that adds an unnecessary pressure on children, only to take away their childhood and creating emotionally broken adults.

The dangers of pushing children toward success


Under pressure, most of the children obey and reach the results expected by their parents, but finally, this way they only get to limit the independent thinking and skills that can lead them to real success. If we don’t give them space and freedom to find their own way and we load them with expectations, children can not make their own decisions, test and develop their identity.

Pretending that children are the best embodies some risks:

- Creates an unnecessary pressure which steals them their childhood. Childhood is a period of learning, but also of joy and fun. Children should learn in a fun way, making mistakes, wasting time, letting their imagination fly and spending time with other children. Expecting that children are the best in a particular field loads on their shoulders an unnecessary responsability. This educational method steals them their childhood.

- Causes a loss of intrinsic motivation and pleasure. When parents focus more on results than on effort, the child loses the intrinsic motivation, because will understand that the result matters most than the path. Therefore, the likelihood he commits fraud at school is increased, for example, because for him it is not so important to learn but the votes. Similarly, focusing on results, he loses interest in the journey of life and stops enjoying it.

- Plants the seed of the fear of failure. Fear of failure is one of the most limiting sensations we can experience. This feeling is intimately linked to the conception we have of success. Then, pushing children toward success from an early age only serves to plant into them the seeds of the fear of failure. As a result, it is likely that these children do not become independent and enterprising adults, as their parents would, but persons who always go on the safe side and accept mediocrity because are afraid to fail.

- Generates a loss of self-esteem. A lot of successful people, professionally speaking, are not sure of themselves. In fact, many top models, for example, confessed that think to be ugly or fat, when in fact are icons of beauty. This is because the level of perfectionism which they have always been subjected to, leads them to believe it will never be enough, and that just the slightest mistake is enough for being despised by the others. Children who grow up with this idea become insecure adults with low self-esteem and believe they are not worthy enough to deserve love. As a result, they live depending on the opinions of others.

What should really know a child?


Children do not need to be the best, just happy. In this regard you must only ensure that your child knows:

- That he’s loved unconditionally and all the times, no matter what mistakes he does

- That he’s safe, that you will always protect and love him

- That he can play the dumb, lose time fantasizing and playing with friends

- That he can choose what he likes the most and pursue that passion, no matter what it is. That he can spend his time doing garlands of flowers or drawing cats with six legs, if that's what he really wants, instead of practicing phonetics or the calculation

- That he’s a special and wonderful person, like many others around the world

- That deserves respect and should respect the rights of others

What parents should not forget?


It is also essential that parents know:

- That every child learns at their own pace, and they should not confuse stimulation that helps to develop with the pressure which overwhelms

- That the most influential factor in the academic performance of children is that parents read to their children, devote them time each night to cultivate together the passion for reading, not the expensive schools or the hyper-tech toys.

- That the child who gets the best grades is never the happier because happiness is not measured in these terms

- That children don’t need more games, but a more simple and carefree life and spend more time with their parents

- That children deserve the freedom to explore everything and decide for themselves what they like and makes them happy

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Children need to be happy not the best
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Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to to string words together. Discover my Books

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