Monday, August 3, 2015

Chronic Victimization: People who work in "Self Chronic Complaint Mode"


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Everyone, at a certain point of life, assumed the role of the victim. However, there are people who become permanent victims, they suffer what could be considered a "Chronic Victimization". These people disguise as false victims, whether consciously or unconsciously, simulate a nonexistent aggression and, in turn, blame others, ridding themselves of all responsibility.

In fact, chronic victimization is not a disease, but could lead to a paranoid disorder, when the person insists on continually blame others of its suffering. Moreover, this way of facing the world leads to a pessimistic view of reality which upsets both, the person complaining and who gets the blame.

In many cases, the person who embraces chronic victimization ends up feeding very negative feelings, like resentment and anger, that lead to an aggressive victimization. It is the typical case of who doesn’t only limit to complain but also attacks and accuses others, showing intolerance and violating continuously their rights.

Radiography of a chronic victim


- They distort reality. Such people strongly believe that the blame for what happens to them is of others, never theirs. Actually, the problem is that they have a distorted view of reality, they have an external locus of control, and believe that both positive and negative things that happen in their life doesn’t depend directly on their will but from external circumstances. In addition, they exaggerate the negative aspects, developing an exacerbated pessimism that lead them to focus only on the negative things that happen, ignoring the positive.

- They find comfort in regret. These people believe they are victims of the others and the circumstances, so don’t feel guilty or responsible for anything that happens to them. As a result, the only thing left is regret. In fact, they often find pleasure with the act of complaining, because that way they assume better its role as "poor victims" and succeed attracting the attention of others. These people don’t seek help to solve their problems, they only lament their misfortunes in the unbridled pursuit of compassion and leadership.

- They continuously seek culprits. People who assume the role of eternal victims, develop a suspicious attitude, they often believe that others always act in bad faith, only to bring them tripped. So they often have an almost sick desire to discover petty grievances, feel discriminated or mistreated, just to reaffirm their role as victims. Then, they end up developing hypersensitivity and become specialists at creating a storm in a glass of water.

- They are unable to make an honest self-criticism. These people are convinced they can’t be blame for anything, that there is nothing to criticize in their behaviors. As it is the responsibility of others, they don’t accept constructive criticism and, much less, they carry out a thorough examination of conscience to lead them change their attitude. For these people, mistakes and faults of others are intolerable, while themselves are a simple subtlety. After all, they’re the victims.

What are their strategies?


For a person to assume the role of the victim, there must be a culprit. Therefore, you must develop a series of strategies in order to get the other person to assume guilt in the matter. If we’re not aware of these strategies we could fall into their web and even be willing to bear all the blame on our backs.

1. Rhetorical victimization

Basically, the rhetoric of this person goes to disqualify its opponent's arguments. However, it doesn’t refute his assertions with other valid arguments, but ensures that the other person assume unwittingly the role of attacker.

How? Simply assuming the role of the victim in the discussion, this way the other person results as someone authoritarian, little empathetic or even aggressive. It is what is known in the field of argumentation as: "centrist rhetoric" as the person tries to show the opponent as an extremist, instead of worrying about refuting its claims. Thus, any argument introduced by the opponent will appear only a demonstration of bad faith.

For example, if a person dares to resist a claim with indisputable facts or statistics obtained from reliable sources, the victim will not answer with facts but will say something like: "You're always attacking me, now you say I'm lying" or "You're trying to impose your views, do please apologize".

2. Victim withdrawal

Sometime, the victim’s speech is directed to shirk the responsibility and avoid having to apologize or acknowledge for the error. Therefore, it will try to wriggle out of the situation. To achieve this, the strategy is to discredit the argument of the winner, but never admitting to be wrong.

How? Again, assuming the role of the victim, playing with the data and manipulating them for convenience in order to sow confusion. Basically, this person will project its mistakes on the other.

For example, if a person responds with a verified data, which denies its earlier statement, the victim won’t recognize the mistake. In any case, it will try to make an honorable retreat saying something like: "That fact doesn’t refuse what I said. Please do not create more confusion and chaos" or "You blame me to confuse the others, you’re rude, it’s clear that it is useless to argue with you because you don’t want to listen any reason", when, as a matter of fact, who’s creating confusion is that person.

3. Emotional Manipulation

One of the favorite strategies of chronic victims is the emotional manipulation. When this person knows quite well the other party, it will not hesitate to play with emotions to put the board in its favor assuming the role of the victim. In fact, these people are very skilled recognizing emotions, they use any glimmer of doubt or guilt on their behalf.

How they do that? Discovering the weak point of the opponent and exploiting the empathy this may feel. Thus, they end up wrapping it in their web and making the person assume full responsibility and the role of executioner, while they remain comfortable in their role as victims and can continue claiming.

For example, a mother who doesn’t want to admit mistakes, can put the blame on the child saying something like: "With all I've done for you, this is how you pay me!". However, this kind of manipulation is also very common within relationships, among friends and even at the workplace.

How to deal with these people?


The first step is to realize that these are persons who assumes the role of the victim. Then, we have to resist the attack avoiding getting caught into the game. It makes sense saying that we have no time to listen to their lamentations, if he/she wants help or a solution, we will be glad to offer it, but we're not willing to spend time and energy continuously listening to their complaints.

Remember that the most important thing about these people is not to ruin your day charging on you a dose of negativity and, above all, they don’t have to make you feel guilty. Don’t forget that can only hurt you emotionally the person to which you give enough power.

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Chronic Victimization: People who work in "Self Chronic Complaint Mode"
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Jennifer Delgado Suárez

Psicologist by profession and passion, dedicated to to string words together. Discover my Books

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