More ArticlesDevelopmental psychology

Monday, April 24, 2017

Screaming to children damages their brain

education

Raising your voice will not give you the reason. Also, using this as an educational resource can be completely counterproductive. In fact, when we cry out to children we're just recognizing that both we have lost the control. Yelling is a sign that the situation got out of hand and we do not know how to approach it.

In the US they say that screaming to children is like using the horn while driving the car, and usually generates the same results. Also, we do not normally shout after a careful and deep reflection, because we believe it is the most effective tactic, we scream because we do not know what else to do.

The situations that lead us to speak out are varied, but it is seen that the maternal isolation and the nervous exhaustion are the main causes. In fact, many parents recognize that behind their screams hide stress and fatigue. In practice, what leads us to yell is not so much the child's behavior, but rather our inability to deal with the situation, probably because our cognitive and emotional resources are depleted.

Shouting affects the psychological and cerebral development of children


A study at the University of Pittsburgh found that yelling regularly to children as a form of discipline, holds many risks for their psychological development, including the possibility of developing an aggressive behavior or, conversely, over-shies.

These psychologists have analyzed 976 families and their children for two years, and found that crying out daily as part of the educational style, could predict the onset of behavioral problems in adolescents aged 13 or depressive symptoms at the age of 14.

Furthermore, they discovered that instead of minimizing the problems, the cries tended to aggravate the disobedience. They also saw that the "warmth" of parents; that is, their love and degree of emotional support, did not reduce the psychological impact of screams. This means that the mark left by the screams can’t be cleared with a hug or a loving gesture.

Another research conducted by a group of psychiatrists at Harvard Medical School has made a step further: its results warn that verbal abuse, such as yelling and humiliation, can alter significantly and permanently the brain structure of children.

These researchers analyzed the brains of 51 children who received psychiatric treatment and compared them to those of 97 healthy children. So they discovered that abandonment, corporal punishment and verbal discipline caused a significant reduction of the corpus callosum, a sort of "cable" consisting of nerve cells that connects the two hemispheres of the brain.

A smaller corpus callosum causes a lower integration of the two halves of the brain, which can cause dramatic changes in mood and personality. The study also found a decrease in activity in parts of the brain associated with emotions and attention. These children had a lower blood flow to a part of the brain known as the cerebellar vermis, which is essential to maintain a good emotional balance.

Why yelling causes so much suffering to children?


When children are very young they are not able to distinguish the difference between shouts and affection. In practice, they do not understand that if parents raise their voices with them does not mean they do not love them, but that can be stressed or are blaming them for a bad behavior. Not knowing the difference could create a strong feeling of anxiety and stress. In fact, the researchers believe that changes in brain structure are due to the excessive release of cortisol, the stress hormone, during the first years of life.

It is curious, but children and adolescents who have grown up in an environment where screams are daily bread, are also twice as likely to have an abnormal brain electrical activity. In some cases, this activity has even been likened to that of people who suffer from epilepsy.


How to stop screaming to your children?


- Assume that yelling is synonymous of losing the control. Screams are not an educational strategy or a discipline, but a sign that the situation is out of control. If you are aware of this difference you’ll be able to cope better with the situation.

- Find out what are the situations and times when you screams more.
The researchers found that parents often shout at some time throughout the day, such as at breakfast, before going to school or in the evening. Locating this scheme will allow you to discover the root cause of your behavior, which generally tends to be hurry, stress or fatigue.

- Take your time to calm down. It is important that parents are alert to signs that indicate that are losing the control. Before you let the emotional brain take control, take a minute to calm down. Breathe deeply and, if necessary, leave the room.

- Do not feed high expectations. Sometimes frustration stems from the difference between expectations and reality. It's possible that you're frustrated because you expect that your son did the tasks alone, for example, and this didn’t happen. Therefore, it is sometimes convenient to remember that he’s only a child and does not do things out of spite against you, but still needs to get mature.

- Do not feel guilty. In any case, you don’t have to feel guilty because feeling bad can only increase the tension. Anyone can shout out from time to time, you just have to make sure it does not become the norm. Parenting is not easy, and you do not have to claim to be perfect, just make sure to always show the best part of yourself.


Sources:
Wang, M. T. & Kenny, S. (2014) Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms. Child Developmental; 85(3): 908–923.
Teicher, M. H. et. Al. (1993) Increased prevalence of electrophysiological abnormalities in children with psychological, physical, and sexual abuse. J Neuropsychiatry Clin Neurosci; 5(4): 401-408
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Friday, April 21, 2017

10 Taoist phrases that we should always remember

personal growth

Taoism is an ancient and wise philosophy that can enhance our daily lives and help us expand our worldview. Most of the phrases attributed to great Taoist masters are quite enigmatic, so there is no single meaning, but may have different interpretations over time and according to the moment of life we ​​are going through. However, some of these can become a mantra that helps us through the most difficult situations or can give us that extra dose of motivation that allows us move forward.

1. A thousand miles journey begins with the first step

One of the methods inspired by Taoism, Kaizen, teaches that little by little you go far. You can only have one certainty: if you don’t take the first step you’ll never reach your destination. The simple act of moving will not get you where you want to go, but at least you move from where you are. The secret is to get going and not wait for the "right time" that will probably never come. And above all, do not despair or expect to get the results instantly.

2. There is a time to move forward and one to go back. A moment to go up and one to go down

Life is marked by ups and downs, the "bad" periods teach us to value the "good" phases, but in fact in all situations there are good and bad aspects, it’s just that we often fail to notice them. In any case, it is important to be aware that each stage brings something. Accepting each of these will enable us to make the most with the least effort. In this regard, a part of the Taoist intelligence consists of not resisting and learn to flow with the tide.

3. If you can’t advance one inch go back one foot

In Taoism, the concept of flowing is critical. This philosophy teaches us that it is wiser to follow the current than swim against it. So when we find different obstacles on our way, rather than insisting in that direction we should take a step back and reconsider the path we have taken. It is not always necessary to change objectives, sometimes is enough to make some changes to the route. But other times we should really consider whether it's worth doing so many efforts and sacrifices to reach a certain goal.

4. When I stop being what I am become what I might be

Learning to unlearn, it would be another way to express this idea. Throughout life we ​​go accumulating too many stereotypes, prejudices and beliefs that end up limiting us. For example, every label that we assigned ourselves is a limitation that prevents us to go further and develop our potential. So Taoism teaches us that, at times, to reach our potential we must leave behind everything we think to be and determines us, because at some point, these beliefs become obstacles to development.

5. No one can see oneself reflected in the water flowing

Making decisions, especially when they are important, being drifted by emotions, can lead to regrets. No matter whether it is anger, sadness or euphoria, when the emotional brain takes over, we can’t think clearly, simply because this disconnects its rational part, so that we are not able to know exactly what is best for us. So to make decisions is better wait for waters to calm down.

6. Perfection is willingness to be imperfect

The obsession with perfection ends up creating an unnecessary tension which not only make us sick but also consumes our energy. The Taoist philosophy proposes that we learn to flow, getting the best out of ourselves, but without claiming to be perfect in everything we do. In this way we become more authentic because we express ourselves more naturally.

7. A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not aimed to arrive. The journey is its own reward

In many cases, it is not so important what we have achieved, but the person we become while pursuing this goal. Along the way we meet interesting people, we grow and expand our minds or, conversely, we lose the people we love, forget our values ​​and become more strict and closed persons. So when you pursue a goal, don’t lose the sight of the way and, most importantly, do not forget to enjoy it.

8. Stop thinking, and ends with your problems

The vast majority of our problems exist only in our minds, because it’s not the situations, but how we react to them and the meaning that we give them that can cause us damage. So, in many cases, to end the feeling of anxiety and stress, you just need to change your point of view and stop those negative and catastrophic thoughts that normally occupy your mind. It is not easy, but be aware of it is the first step.

9. What for the caterpillar is the end of the world for the rest of the world is called butterfly

Sometimes the trees keep you from seeing the forest. When you are immersed in a situation that is considered "negative," you assume a catastrophic attitude that will prevent you from seeing opportunities. Taking a step back and asking the opinion of another person, will allow you establish a psychological distance that will not only reduce suffering, but will also help you to radically change the situation. Remember that every situation can be seen from different points of view and yours is just one of the many and can also be the worst.

10. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Do not resist them, it would cause you just pain. Let reality be reality

Life stands for change, nothing is static, even if our obsession with control is opposed to this reality. But pretending that everything would continue always the same means to resist the reality, ignore it, and this does not mean it will disappear but that we’ll harm ourselves. The best way to handle it is to face reality, with the conviction that it is just a phase and that we are waiting for better times in the future. Similarly, we must learn not to cling to things because attachment is the seed of suffering.
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Thursday, April 20, 2017

5 mental habits that keep you from thinking clearly

personal growth

I suggest you to do a very simple exercise before you start reading this article. Stand up and start walking counting backwards, starting from 1000 and subtracting seven from time to time, for example, 1,000, 993, 986... At some point, you’ll stop walking, probably very soon. This is because the brain has to concentrate and work seriously to make the calculation and is not able to control where your legs are going.

In fact, the brain works similar to a computer's processor: has a limited power of data processing or, our cognitive resources are finite at a given moment. Any emotional or intellectual activity that requires too much “space” eventually it will affect our ability to concentrate, solve problems, be creative or even remember. As a result, our IQ is reduced, at least temporarily, until we release these resources.

The most common mental habits


Most of the activities that we make every day don’t have a significant impact on our ability to think and make decisions, but some mental habits consume such amount of resources as to affect our ability to think clearly. The interesting thing is that most people are not aware that these psychological habits are so harmful, so to continue to nourish them and slip into a downward spiral.

1. Brooding negative ideas

Facing a negative event is understandable that we can’t erase it right away and leave it behind. In fact, sometimes, keep it up in our minds trying to find imaginary solutions helps us release tension and has a cathartic power. But when this becomes a habit and you can’t get rid of these negative ideas, you will end agonizing, and your emotional health as well as the physical one will suffer. When you continually relive in your mind the facts that worry you, your ability to concentrate will decrease considerably because it is like looking at the world through gray lenses.

2. Unresolved guilts

We all feel guilty from time to time for something we did wrong, or not as we wished. But when guilt does not abandon us it turns into a cognitive distraction that affects heavily our capacity and eventually causes some emotional damage. When you feel guilty your self-esteem is reduced, you develop a negative image of yourself and you’re not able to take advantage of good opportunities because you think not to deserve it. Therefore, feeding guilt will make you feel very unhappy and will immerse you in a cycle of negativity.

3. Ineffective complaints

Most people tend to share their frustrations with those next to them. Sometimes complaining has a cathartic power, it allows you release anger and frustration and feel lighter. But when complaints become the norm, when you see only the negative part in everything that happens, you lose the other part of the picture, and run the risk of making rash decisions. Remember that complaining means always chose the most negative part and focus on the limits. Moreover, complaints are like vampires that drain your energy, so it is not surprising that several studies have established that the complaints are a poison for the brain.

4. Constant Criticism

We all criticize in some occasion, criticism comes from our tendency to confront and are not always negative. However, if you become an extremely critical person, who is not satisfied with anything, not even himself, you're going to assume a hypervigilant attitude, and you'll always be chasing the mistakes of others or your own. Obviously, living constantly in this state will take you a large bill to pay, at cognitive and emotional level.

5. Unnecessary concerns

When we have a problem, it is normal that it fills our minds as we try to find a solution. But if instead of looking for possible solutions you’re constantly worried, even for problems that do not exist yet, you’ll transform yourself in the typical person who has troubles for each solution. The concern will keep your mind constantly distracted, looking for troubles everywhere. If you're concerned your mind neglects everything else, because it considers that it is not important, and will focus only on the concerns, generating much anxiety and distress.
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Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The secret of a happy marriage? The man must be emotionally intelligent

couple and sexuality

In a couple’s relationship is important that both play their grain of sand and are able to stop those that John Gottman, one of the greatest scholars of married couples in recent times, has called the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism , defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.

However, a series of studies conducted by Gottman himself at the University of Washington where hundreds of couples were followed for more than a decade, recording some of their conversations and discussions, indicates that one of the keys for having a happy marriage and reduce the chances of a divorce resides in emotional intelligence, especially that of man.


Male defensiveness increases the chances that the couple goes into crisis


Couple's relationships can survive the moments of anger, complaints and criticisms, but there is a tipping point where negativity creates more negativity and is necessary that one of them be able to stop and defuse the conflict.

Interestingly, according to Gottman’s research, 65% of men increases the negativity during a discussion, often responding with a defensive attitude that reveals resistance to partner’s influence. In addition, there is 81% probability that a wedding goes into crisis when the man is not willing to share power with his partner.

The problem is that when the man did not develop sufficiently his emotional intelligence rejects the partner's influence because he’s afraid of losing power. Therefore, all that the partner says or does is perceived as an attack, which in turn generates defensiveness and leads to a new attack causing an escalation of frustration and anger.

On the contrary, an emotionally intelligent man is able to perceive and consider the partner's emotions. This means that it does not stop at words, but goes further to perceive a sense, this allows to connect better and "turn off" the fire caused by the discussion instead of feeding it.

Moreover, when man has developed his emotional intelligence is not afraid to express his feelings, and this helps him to connect with his partner. We must not forget that emotions, such as fear and sadness, generate empathy and encourage each other to make peace.

Obviously, this does not mean that women do not get angry and increase the negativity in the discussions. In fact, in the study it was noted that many women often resort to scolding. But they were also much more receptive to the influence of the partner and kept into consideration his emotions and feelings.


Men are from Mars and women from Venus?


A book says that "men are from Mars and women are from Venus." But it’s not entirely true, there are more things that unite us than those that differentiate us, but sometimes in relationships men and women feel that they are from different planets.

Normally these differences begin to take shape during childhood. When male children play, their goal is usually to beat the opponent and if someone gets hurt, unless it is really serious, the game continues. Children are told that they must not cry or show weak in front of others. Obviously these stereotypes are progressively fixed in their mind. On the contrary, in their games the little girls tend to adopt roles as social workers or nurses, in which emotions are the key.

Over time, these differences tend to reinforce, though this does not mean that all women or men correspond to these models. Some women may become very insensitive and some men are able to develop a high sensitivity. But according to Gottman, only 35% of men can develop a high emotional intelligence.

The key to a long and happy couple relationship: Accept the influence and learn to connect


Other psychologists have analyzed the influence of emotional intelligence on the duration of the relationship and the satisfaction of its members. A meta-analysis conducted by researchers at the University of Punjab revealed that emotional intelligence is a good predictor of the duration of a marriage, especially characteristics such as empathy, emotional assertiveness, self-control and self-knowledge.

Another research conducted by psychologists at Clark University with 92 pairs revealed that the ability to identify and express emotions is key to maintaining a long marriage and because both people feel happy and satisfied with the relationship.

In addition, Gottman also found that when women come forward with complaints more gently and add a touch of humor, men are much more receptive and less bellicose.

All this indicates that men and women should assume that the relationship is not a battlefield or a space in which to measure forces. They both need to acknowledge the other's influence, recognize their own mistakes and learn to reduce tension when it threatens to spin out of control.

To do it both of them have to compromise and, above all, must be able to put themselves in someone else's shoes and learn to express their needs and desires without attacking or criticizing. Although there are several studies that show that emotionally women are more intelligent than men, we must not forget that emotional intelligence is a broad concept that encompasses several areas.

The same Daniel Goleman said that one of the gender differences is that women are more empathetic, while men are more inclined to action. The insula, a key area for empathy, is more active in women but turns itself “off" faster in men, who tend to quickly take action to find a solution. A form is not better than the other, both are valid and can be used to feed the relationship. After all, to find the balance is not necessary that two people be equal, but able to complement each other.


Sources:
Shahida, S. & Khalid, R. (2009) Role of emotional intelligence in marital relationship. Pakistan Journal of Psychological Research; 24(1-2): 43-62.
Cordova, J. V. et. Al. (2005) Emotional Skillfulness in Marriage: Intimacy As a Mediator of the Relationship Between Emotional Skillfulness and Marital Satisfaction. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology; 24(2): 218-235.
Gottman, J. M. & Levenson, R. W. (2002) A two-factor model for predicting when a couple will divorce: exploratory analyses using 14-year longitudinal data.Fam Process; 41(1): 83-96.
Feldman, B. et. Al. (2000) Sex Differences in Emotional Awareness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin; 26. 1027-1035.
Carrere, S. & Gottman, J.M. (1999) Predicting Divorce among Newlyweds from the First Three Minutes of a Marital Conflict Discussion, Family Process; 38(3): 293-301.
Gootman, J. M. et. Al. (1997) Battering and the male rejection of influence from women. Aggressive Behavior; 23(5): 375-388.
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Tuesday, April 18, 2017

The best song in the world to feel empowered

curiosities

Music is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal to rapidly affect our mood. The key is simple: music directly affects the oldest structures in our brain, the kind that are connected to emotions. This means that music skips the prefrontal area of ​​the brain responsible for regulating and contain emotions, so we might call it a kind of "emotional serum" injected directly into our veins.

Consequently, there are melodies that can relax, help to sleep, relieve pain, generate nostalgia and joy and also stimulate creativity. But on this occasion, psychologists at Columbia University have wondered what is the song that creates a strong feeling of empowerment.

Music to stimulate the feeling of empowerment


The novelist George Eliot stated that the music gave strength to his limbs and to ideas into his brain and Abraham Lincoln instructed the Union Army band to sound melodies of the confederation to indicate the power of the federal government and dominion over southern rebels. The power of music has never gone unnoticed.

Thus, these psychologists selected 31 songs of different musical genres, from heavy metal to hip-hop, classical and punk music. Later they asked a group of people to listen to them and indicate which of those generated a greater feeling of empowerment and which don’t. They spotted the winner in the song: "We Will Rock You" by Queen. The second position was conquered by the song "Get Ready for This" by 2 Unlimited.

Then researchers recruited other volunteers and subjected them to various tests as they listened to these two songs and others that were classified as demotivating. In this way they discovered that the winning songs:

- Activate the feeling of empowerment. The songs that create a sense of power activate concepts related to control, strength, authority and power. In fact, during the experiment the participants who heard these musical themes tended to complete words related to these concepts, indicating that they were activated in their mind.

- Create the illusion of control. The musical themes that trigger the feeling of empowerment even create the illusion to have control. Researchers found that when people listened to these songs felt they had more control over their environment and even thought they could influence the results of different tests, although this depended largely on the case.

- Encourage to take the initiative. Music tracks that generate the feeling of empowerment encourage people to take the first step. Researchers saw that the people who listened to these songs were twice as likely to take the first step.

The key is the bass


Another interesting result is that lyrics had virtually no effect on the feeling of empowerment. But what seemed to have a strong influence was an instrument, the bass.

Researchers used different musical pieces with the sound of the bass digitally enhanced and found that people reported increased feelings of empowerment as much as crispy and sharp was the bass sound.


Source:
Galinsky, A. D. et. Al. (2015) The Music of Power. Perceptual and Behavioral Consequences of Powerful Music. Social Psychological and Personality Science; 6(1).
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Monday, April 17, 2017

Everybody talks and criticizes, nobody listens and intends

personal growth

Talking and criticizing is easy, we just open our mouth and say what we think. Listening and understanding is much more difficult because it involves, above all, taken a proactive approach that allows us to put ourselves in background and empathize with the person we’re facing. To avoid the problems caused by this attitude in interpersonal relationships, we just have to keep in mind the words of Epictetus: "Nature gave us two eyes, two ears and one mouth so that we could observe and listen twice as much as we speak."

Active listening is a virtue for a few


Many people will simply listen, which is not the same as understanding. They hear what we’re saying but do not process it, then they just simply follow a set script in their mind that sometimes does not even have points of contact with what we’ve said. These people do not understand communication as something that enriches, but as a battle to be won at all costs, in which one must be right and the other wrong.

Active listening is another thing, implies a greater effort, both cognitively and emotionally. Active listening means going beyond words to understand the emotions and feelings that underlie the speech.

It implies an active attitude, in which we try to put ourselves in the place of the other, so as not to criticize but put ourselves in his way of being and into the experiences that has lived, to really understand what he’s saying.

Active listening means being emotionally available, fully present, to connect with our interlocutor. In fact, it doesn’t simply mean listening, but also ask questions to help us better understand the message that are trying to send us.

A subtle clue indicating that the person is connected emotionally and maintains an active listening is what is known as "mirroring." It is a reflex in which the listener repeats, without realizing it, some of the body movements and gestures of the speaker, especially facial expressions that indicate emotions such as pain, joy, disgust or fear.

When we criticize we lose an opportunity to grow


We all criticize. The criticism stems from our tendency to compare. We constantly compare things to see if they are better or worse, larger or smaller, more or less adequate...

But in relationships it is very easy to switch from confrontation to criticism assuming the role of judges. All those behaviors, attitudes and ways of thinking that do not conform to our values ​​and expectations end up being criticized. Because we often criticize what we do not understand or frighten us.

However, when we criticize we lose a valuable opportunity to grow. Criticism is a conclusion, a fact that we take for granted. Conversely, when we put ourselves in the place of the others it can be produced a substantial change because we go out of our smaller "self" and enter into another reality, which can be much richer or simply different, where we can learn and try new things.

Therefore, criticism does more harm to those who use it rather than those who are criticized, because the latter can forget the words he has heard, but critics will have lost forever the chance to grow and connect with another person.

3 Golden Rules to criticize less and be more empathetic


1. If you focus on words you perceive only half the message. Only when you go beyond the words you can really connect with the person. Try to discover the emotions that support your speech and you’ll be able to better understand what the person is telling you, thanks to empathy.

2. Put yourself in the place of the other, or at least try. If for a moment you stop thinking about yourself, leave your preconceived beliefs and try to put yourself in another's place, it will be much more difficult to assume the judge's attitude.

3. Everybody makes mistakes, you too. Treat the others as you want to be treated. When you assume that we all make mistakes sooner or later, you’ll become more comprehensive and adopt a more tolerant attitude. Think about how you like to be treated. You want to be judged or criticized, or would you prefer a more empathetic and comprhensive attitude towards you? Remember that everything you give sooner or later it will be returned to you, in one way or another.
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Wednesday, April 12, 2017

“La Maison en Petits Cubes” a video about life and memories that will leave you speechless

videos

Life passes in a blink. And while we are involved in so many things we do not appreciate enough the little moments, which are really the great moments of life.

This video takes us in a trip through the memory of an old man, but it could be perfectly ours. The video was created by the Japanese Kunio Katō and won the Cristal Prize of the Annecy International Animated Film Festival in 2008 and an Academy Award for the best animated short video in 2009.

The video is full of allegories, the protagonist encourages us to join him on the journey that leads him to dive into his memories. Insofar as the water suffocates his life, a metaphor that represents the time that escapes inexorably, evocations are transformed into an unstoppable torrent.

Each "cube" or brick of the house represent different periods of our lives. It is also a metaphor for how we were forced to build new realities to cope with the loss of people we love, that are no more with us. Each new level that adds the old man for not drowning and stay dry, is the way we cling to life and move on.

In fact, the fall of his favorite pipe through the trap door can represent that song, aroma or place that reminds us of a special person or a single moment. They are the unexpected flashes of memory to surprise us.

It is true that the video is steeped in nostalgia and is also likely to make us cry a little, but also reminds us that those so special moments or people have a safe place in our minds where, in a sense, are kept alive, a place where we can always come back, just as the German writer Jean Paul says: "Memory is the only paradise from which we can’t be expelled."

In fact, sometimes it is good to soak into memories because they help us to appreciate more the moments that lie ahead and maximize the time we have with the people close to us.

In any case, I recommend you to see this video because it is a complex reflection as life itself. "La Maison en Petits Cubes" is our history.

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Monday, April 10, 2017

There is no a "lack of time", but only a lack of interest

personal growth

"I'm sorry, I don't have time," is an excuse that we probably have heard more than once, and we probably also used. However, it‘s only that, an excuse, because the truth is that there is no a lack of time, but a lack of interest.

When something does not interest us, when simply does not attract our attention or we do not like it, it is much easier for us to hide it behind obligations and daily activities. But when we are really interested and passionate about something, we make sure that it fits perfectly into our agenda, as if it were a huge puzzle, and we find the time for it.

When we lie to ourselves


The day has 24 hours, we can’t extend it, but we can rearrange our schedule so to have the time to carry out important activities. If we don’t do it, it is because something in our unconscious drives us in another direction.

For example, when we postpone constantly a decision and say that we have no time to inform us better, it is usually because our deeper “self” is afraid to take the plunge, perhaps because we feel that we are not ready. It may also be because it does not really interest us, we feel so good in our comfort zone that we do not want to change and then, we lie saying that we have no time.

But lying to ourselves is a dangerous game, because we can end up making decisions of which we repent later, simply because we get carried away by circumstances or because we were forced to decide at the last minute. So next time you think you have little time, think a moment about what can hide this sentence.

Consider that to hide, suppress or mask certain ideas and feelings to our conscious “self”, we need to make a great mental effort that becomes very tiring. Lying to ourselves is exhausting.

Being honest with yourself will avoid you this problem. Instead of saying that you have no time, that you'll do it tomorrow or maybe next month, just accept that this is something that does not interest you or for which you are not ready, close a chapter and go forward, with less stress and worry. You’ll take away from yourself a great weight.

Engage in what makes you really happy


In life, your most valuable asset is time. You can share it with people you like and make you happy or invest it in those things that make you vibrate and you’re really passionate about.

This means you do not have to meet all the social expectations, you should just compromise with those values ​​that are important to you, with what you really identify.

Remember that living constantly in the fast lane, going from a compromise to another, from a project to the next and from one relationship to a new one, prevents you from connecting with your essence and you’ll finish losing yourself gradually.

Sometimes you just have to let yourself time to think, to determine what you really want and, above all, to decide where to invest the minutes and the hours that you have. Because are limited.
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